Mommy Guilt
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Mommy Guilt - I’m sure we have all dealt with this at some point. And I was all prepared to write about my guilt this week concerning breastfeeding and how I decided to start weaning Baby M. I was going to vent about how it’s been stressful feeding her because I don’t have enough milk and she screams because she’s still hungry and how I feel guilty switching to formula even though I know it’s perfectly fine for her. So, I was going to whine and vent and wallow a bit in my feelings of guilt and sadness regarding Baby M moving to bottle feeding.
But, I got distracted in the middle of writing and started reading a few other Mom blogs. One was about a woman’s struggle with infertility and how she is still trying after many years to conceive. Another was about a Mom with a child who has a serious illness. I then thought about a few of my friends whose husbands are in the military. They are not only raising their kids alone but also have to deal with missing and worrying about their husbands.
Suddenly my frustration with breastfeeding didn’t seem so important. Now, I already knew that it wasn’t a huge problem in the grand scheme of things, but I really needed to gain a bit of perspective. This is one of the great things about havng a network of other Mom’s (whether in real life or in the blogosphere). It’s so important to have friends that you can share your struggles with - big or small. Because our small struggles are important and we need to have people that won’t judge us for our small worries. But, it is also important to gain perspective and look at our problems in relation to the big picture.
I am sure that the woman who is trying to become pregnant would love to be worrying about whether or not she can breastfeed her baby. So while I am still a little sad about no longer breastfeeding Baby M, I am not feeling upset by it. It’s such a small thing, really. I’m so lucky that I was able to have that special time with her for almost 5 months. And, let me just add that if any of you happen to do a Google search about weaning a young baby and happen to find the same link I did - It is NOT true that your baby will be traumatized by weaning and wonder if their mother still loves them. Yes, someone actually wrote that!!! Talk about Mommy Guilt!
So, tonight I am counting my blessings that my biggest worry of the week is trying to figure out how many ounces Baby M should be drinking and which formula is best for her. How do you choose from so many formula choices? I was going to go with the one that had the cutest, cuddliest teddy bear on the front but thought that may not be the most educated way to make a decision. Guess I’ll be calling the pediatrician tomorrow.
August 2nd, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Nursing can be difficult sometimes. Keep it up, it is so worth it!
August 3rd, 2008 at 7:16 am
Just a bargain tip: You can get free samples of formula every time you go to the doctor, you just have to ask them. One time my favorite nurse gave me an entire case!
I agree that you should not worry about weaning. Five months is a long time!
~The Bargain Shopper Lady
August 3rd, 2008 at 10:33 pm
I think nursing is the one thing that brings on more mommy guilt than anything. I had my second child (a sweet baby girl) in May and both myself and baby had developed an infection at delivery and she had trouble breathing. She had to spend a week in the NICU and trying to nurse was so difficult. Her health was at stake and we ended up supplementing with formula and she got better and was able to come home sooner than expected. The lactation specialists made me feel like the worst, most selfish person. They put me in tears multiple times as I sat with my sick newborn in the NICU. I nursed my first child and really enjoyed the experience, even though I didn’t do it for very long. As mothers we all want what is best for our babies and I think it’s each mother’s choice to do what is right for them personally. Just look at the info you found on the Internet saying that a baby feels abandoned when you wean??? What?? That is just ridiculous. I think we should all stop attacking each other and show some respect and understanding. So here are some words of encouragement–I continued to nurse for a bit after we brought our daughter home, but have since weaned her and I felt sad and guilty just like all mothers do. I think 5 months is a really long time and I applaud you for that. Job well done! My 12 week maternity leave will soon be over and I’ll be going back to work. There’s another source of mommy guilt.
August 6th, 2008 at 10:49 am
I was one that struggled with infertility for seven years before finally concieving our wonderful twins. I, also struggled with breastfeeding. I really wanted to breastfeed, but the twins were born early and neither one would latch on. After weeks of heartache with syringe feedings (not wanting to cause nipple confusion), we decided to go ahead and give them a bottle with breast milk (they weren’t eating much and needed to gain weight). I continued pumping for 5 weeks and continued to try and get them to breastfeed. In the end, it never happened. I was disappointed, but after all of our heartaches of trying to concieve, I realized that I shouldn’t sweat the small stuff. The important thing is that they were here and they were healthy. You have done what is best for your child and you will continue doing so. With that said, don’t sweat the small stuff and keep up the good work!
August 6th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Thanks for the great comments. Laura, congrats on your twins and I admire you for trying to breastfeed two! I can’t imagine how time consuming that was. And you’re right, the most important thing is a happy, healthy baby!
August 6th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Oh, I remember those weaning days - it was so hard. It is sad, but so is the moment they leave every “baby” stage. On the other hand, it’s so exciting when they graduate to something bigger.
August 25th, 2008 at 9:09 am
First, a note about formula - Similac reportedly has the least amount of Bisphenol-A (BPA) in their dry formula cans, compared to other brands, including earth’s best. We use Similac Organic.
To breastfeed or not to breastfeed is a difficult decision. I had twins and wanted to breastfeed with all my heart, but was diagnosed with IGD (insufficient glandular development), so even after herbal treatments, domperidone, and serious praying, I could only provide about 1/3 of what my babies needed. I even had to pump because the flow was so slow, the babies would get frustrated and clamp on so hard that I bled. Finally after 6 1/2 months, one day I got chest pains and a numbness on my left arm. And that was it for breastfeeding! It was still a hard decision. Anyway, I pumped a little extra to store in the freezer in case the girls got sick and needed a ‘booster shot’ of mommie’s antibodies, and put them on the formula.
Breastfeeding was an ordeal and a half! I’m glad I did it, but it was SO difficult and stressful.
I had such a hard time giving them the formula at first. I felt like I was giving them poison or something. Then my lactation consultant (the best in two counties) told me to think of it as giving them medicine that they needed to survive. That helped. She also said that if breastfeeding was so stressing and exhausting me, it would do more damage to breastfeed the girls and be unable to lovingly care for them because I was all cranky and tired. She said she’d rather I formula fed, got more sleep and was in a more positive frame of mind, which the girls would sense. She even said that she’d personally hand me the formula bottle herself if it would help, because it was definitely best for all concerned that I stop the breastmilk.
Once I got used to the formula feeding, I didn’t feel so bad. The girls were fine (apart from constipation), and I started them on solids by 7 months (and prunes - goodbye constipation
), and switched the formula with milk at 12mos. They’re just fine - although they insist on daily boob inspections. They like to yank open my shirt and reassure themselves that mommy’s boobs haven’t run away since they last had a look. Now, if I can just get them to stop with the grabbing and twisting, I’ll be fine. 
God knows that we’re doing what we can. As long as we try our best, it’ll be ok.